Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: My boyfriend and I have been dating exclusively for five years. I am 25 and he is 26. We do not live together and have no plans to do so, but it's time for me to re-sign my lease, and I'm wondering if I should stay in this relationship. We love each other very much and have a lot of fun and shared interests, but we never talk about the future (marriage, kids, etc.). I've tried, but he gets annoyed when I bring it up and just says he wants to be with me and "sees me in his future." I have made it very clear that eventually I want to get married and maybe have kids. At this point shouldn't he be able to say he wants marriage, too? Or has he said enough that I can be confident this will someday translate into marriage? -- CONFUSED ABOUT THE FUTURE

DEAR CONFUSED: So he never talks about marriage and "gets annoyed" when you mention it? That's a major red flag after five years, even for a young couple. Take a good, long look at what you really want for your future. Despite longevity, fun and common interests, he hasn't actually said a thing to make you confident that marriage is on the horizon. This is a crucial time to listen to your instincts. Don't get them confused with the sound of your heart; the two compete fiercely and rarely agree. But ...

Cat's Call: When they do agree, you'll know without a doubt.

DEAR CAT: I had a party for my son when he graduated from high school. It was a lovely, catered picnic to which I invited family, friends, neighbors and a few co-workers. That evening, while my son was opening cards and gifts, I was shocked to see that a few of the guests did not give anything. Cat, these folks aren't destitute; they have jobs, cars, take trips, etc. I have never attended such a party without taking a gift. Can you tell me if a gift is no longer required in these situations? By the way, one of these folks took several plates of food home in a bag without even asking. Is there a way to confront these people, drop a hint, or let it slide and forget it? -- UPSET MOTHER

DEAR U.M.: Yes, it is abysmally poor form to attend a graduation party without giving a gift. Especially a catered affair! Then taking home a doggie bag without permission! Are you sure nobody stole the silver ladle or spiked the punch? There is no reason to invite them if presents aren't in the offing (unless you specifically instruct them in the invitation not to bring gifts, which is the case at some parties). Sure, your son's graduation was a proud moment for you, but he could give two hoots about partying with your co-workers if he's not getting anything out of it -- a little gift certificate, dictionaries he'll never open, pen sets he'll never use, etc. Don't bother confronting anyone or dropping hints. People so tactless would give lame after-the-fact gifts and apologies you'd have to accept. And subtle hints would fall on deaf ears. Best to let it slide, but in the future ...

Cat's Call: Do omit their names from the guest list of your next party.