What is it about Pennsylvanians that could make us so unattractive as marriage partners?

According to the AARP Bulletin, we are a top-10 state in terms of residents 50 and older who have never been married. It has us in a tie for eighth with Maryland, with 8.2 percent of older Pennsylvanians well on their way to lifelong status as bachelors and bachelorettes.

What could the reason be: caution, wisdom, poor hygiene?

Out in Idaho, where the one thing that matters more than a good spud is a good spouse, only 3.3 percent of the 50-plus population has never married. By comparison, Pennsylvanians view a trip to the altar with the same disdain as the all-you-can-eat section at PNC Park presumably treats the salads there.

This nixed-marriage news is a tad stunning to us (if you can stun a tad) considering how traditional Pennsylvanians, especially Pittsburghers, always appear to be. We don't know too many Playboy/Playgirl of the Western World types personally around these parts. They must all live in the Poconos, frolicking with one another in heart-shaped bathtubs.

More reassuringly, in terms of our standard image, Pittsburgh ranked 11th among the nation's 50 largest cities in its rate of volunteerism. An estimated 32.1 percent of Pittsburgh's inhabitants volunteer, according to an annual report from the Corporation for National and Community Service.

Pennsylvania overall did not fare as well, ranking 29th among the 50 states and the District of Columbia. Pittsburghers were more likely to volunteer than residents of any other part of Pennsylvania.

The highest rate of volunteering among large cities was in Minneapolis-St. Paul, Salt Lake City, Portland, Ore., Seattle and Austin.

There was no clear definition of what counted as volunteering in the report. It's likely we would have cracked the top 10 if they had considered:

• Residents happy to volunteer ever-helpful directions to strangers, such as: "You're looking for the Parkway? It's easy, just go down a few blocks to where the Isaly's used to be and turn left."

• Inhabitants willing to volunteer advice on how to make the local football team better, as in: "Hey, coach! Take that stinkin' cornerback outta the game before he gives up another TD and I puke up my nachos!"

• People who readily volunteer information about how things have always been done, negating the need to pursue anything untested.

Frankly, when it comes to lists, we can't help but think one of America's great newspapers dropped the ball with its scant mention of West Virginia University dropping from first to fourth among the nation's "top party schools," according to the newest Princeton Review survey of students.

Could it be that students in Morgantown found the M.B.A. degree scandal involving the West Virginia governor's daughter so sobering that numerous keggers were canceled in the past year?

The Mountaineers fell back behind Penn State University, ranked the third-best party school in the nation. They still have a lot of debauchery to give up before reaching the level of, say, Grove City College, ranked the nation's No. 5 "stone-cold sober school" by the Princeton Review.

There's one proud ranking for Pittsburgh we overlooked entirely in the past few months. We were dubbed No. 1 among "Best Cities for Relocating Families" in a May report from Worldwide ERC and Primacy Relocation, a pair of companies involved in employee relocation services.

Gadzooks, here's somebody saying we actually do well at bringing people here, not sending them away. The survey factored in nearly 50 variables such as affordable housing, commute times, recent job growth and the proximity of top-ranked universities (possibly giving bonus points to those that are cool party schools).

So, yes, all you non-Pittsburgh families, come here and flourish. There's plenty of undeveloped space, such as the former LTV coke works property in Hazelwood. And bring along that odd brother or aunt who for some reason has never been able to find anyone to marry. So long as their hygiene's not too bad, we promise to hook them up.